Ted

"I look like Snuggles' accountant"

Photo from imdb

As a die-hard “Family Guy “ fan, it is difficult for me to watch this film and be objective.  “Ted”—written and directed by Seth MacFarlane—stars Seth himself as Ted, Mark Wahlberg as John, and Mila Kunis as Lori. The first time I watched the film, it was challenging during the first few scenes to watch “Family Guy” characters as real people who look nothing like their animated selves. However, once I got over it, I must say I am impressed once again. Seth’s humor that forces certain people to look in the mirror and see their foolishness bled through the pages of this film as well. Good.            Since most of you probably saw the movie, I won’t hold back on summarizing the plot.  A-Hem…John is a lonely boy who is unable to make friends who wishes his Christmas gift, which he names Ted, would be able to say more than his squeeze-the-tummy “I love you.” Okay, in tradition of “D” magical Christmas classic film opening Seth begins his game of Cheating Expectations. There is the convention of 1950-60’s theme music, a narrator telling the story as we peek in, and that swooping crane shot from the sky to the neighborhood where the story begins.  Then it happens: the narrator (Patrick Stewart, by the way) throws in an opinionated cutaway “…except for Apache helicopters…” At this point the film’s opening sequence mimics the famous “D—word “ company that shall not be mentioned for trademark-infringement reasons. I can never hire and retain an attorney long enough to defend myself against their metropolis of an entertainment industry (in and of itself). So, as you think you are getting this epic coming-of-age film about a boy and his bear, the opening credits roll and the film really begins.Ted is that bad influence on his friend, John, who has a long-term relationship with Lori. Four years, to be exact. Lori’s meddling co-workers tell her to give John an ultimatum at their four-year anniversary dinner. Lori expects a ring with a proposal at the exclusive Chau Bella. John’s co-workers bring it to his attention that she maybe expecting “something more,” but he feels his love and devotion are enough. As Seth would, he plays the Uno card from the Cheating Expectations game. Just when you think there’s a ring in the little box over dinner—it’s earrings. Yep. And so the snowball rolls downhill. Ted is determined to be the root of the problem and asked to move out. He gets a job that he tries desperately to blow every chance he gets and is promoted. There he meets a hot cashier, Tammy Lynn. In the midst of all the antics, Donnie and Robert are introduced as dysfunctional father and son team. Lori’s boss is trying to sleep with her. Flash Gordon is Ted and John’s childhood hero. All these things come to a head when Ted convinces John his party is where he should be because the hero who “taught us right from wrong, good from evil” was in his apartment partying. This leads to Lori’s final time breaking up with John, Ted tries to fix it and ends up getting kidnapped by Donnie and Robert (??psychos!!), and it all leads to the hero’s “All is Lost” moment (Save the Cat quote). The ending I shall not spoil. Okay, I’ll tell you that Ted dies.Again, the actors did great with portraying their roles; it is my fault I’ve watched so much “Family Guy” that the voices threw me off. It’s like seeing Robert Englund play in “Elf.” No matter how good the film is, the elf will look like Freddie Kruger.  Seth knew this; that’s why Patrick Warburton (the voice of Joe on Family Guy) is named Guy in the film. Lois (Alex Borstein) is John’s mom. Ted, of course, can get away with more antics because he is animated. I saw a behind the scenes special once that showed Mark Wahlberg’s acting in the motel fight scene and I must say that’s talent. Being able to keep a straight face while you get beat up by nothing? Yeaaa. Mila Kunis, the complete opposite of Meg Griffin, is able to act a wide range of emotions and be convincing. I also liked the Flash Gordon portrayal that reminds us not to idolize TV heroes because they are regular people too. This childhood hero convinces Ted and John to have a shot of liquor, smoke weed, and try cocaine. Getting me past my  “Family Guy“ expectations is a job well done.Aside from the obvious CGI, many techniques lent to the success of this film. Subtle at times; obvious at others. Seth, however funny his writing is, could not work without his play on filming techniques to, what? Cheat our expectations.         I already mentioned the epic-feeling crane shot in the beginning. So much information is packed into the opening sequence that most of it is forgotten midway through the film. Going just as planned. Ted’s coming to life introduces a suspension of belief. There is a terrific balance between CGI and live acting that seems to be bridged with bright colors (when John drives at the speed of light from Rex’s party to Ted’s). I noticed a recurring blue light scheme and the Norah Jones concert’s bright blue and pink lighting. After Ted moves out, the apartment (John and Lori’s) looks drab. At Rex’s party, everyone is wearing dark and drab colored formal wear while Lori has on a bright red dress. This serves a double-duty: Lori stands out in the crowd at the party, but when she catches John at Ted’s party her anger is intensified by the red dress in the dreary hallway. Oh, speaking of hallway: (rewind) John’s first time leaving Ted in his apartment—that hallway looks SOOOO long (adds to the sad feel). If things get too serious, some dialogue pops in to keep the humorous tone. Example: “Is that a Flash Gordon ray gun or you just happy to see me?” …it’s a ray gun…            Why see this film? Because it’s funny. Hehehehe.  Personally, I think the film gives us some new random quotes, like: “It’s called Mind Rape” “Look what Jesus did! Look what Jesus did! Look what Jesus did!” “Back off, Susan Boyle!” & “ah, Finally”

Ted Trailer